watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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