So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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