Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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