Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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