Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
