JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im holly from the hills drunk
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
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Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
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he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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