Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
