His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
