Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Floor bacon is actually really good
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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