If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
