last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
