she looked like the before picture.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
