my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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