She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
