i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
