what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
zippers are such a cool invention
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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