The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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