Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
