By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize