I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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