Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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