I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
