You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
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I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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