Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
