its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize