His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
