Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
