I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
