god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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