Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
