Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
