I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
