R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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