I just made out with a guy for $7.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
