hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
