so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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