He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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