my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
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Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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