just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
