I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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