he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
