No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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