Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
