Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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