I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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