Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
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MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
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Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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