first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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