i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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