she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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