just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
