Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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