she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
