Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
