so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
