I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
