oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
