You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't want my vagina anymore.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
