I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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