My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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