life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
