this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
