Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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