I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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