you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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