Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
