i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
