He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
