Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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