I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
