How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
