The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
