Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
