I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
