do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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