Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
