Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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