I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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