not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
