I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
