you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
FUCK WHALES
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
