I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
do nipples grow back?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
