the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
