So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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