Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
