it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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