Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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