real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
