My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
