Im at strip club and am horny
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
