There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
